Do you ever have an idea you know is really dumb, but you can’t help going through with it? That’s today’s post. It’s truly awful, but it was something I needed to get out of my brain so I could move on to other things.

This one is for all the botanists out there. Apologies to the rest of you (and to the botanists, honestly.)

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THE STOLON SWARD

by Chris Helzer

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Basil was holding Rose in a tendril embrace when there was a sudden loud knocking on the door.

“Who is that??” asked Rose.  “Halophyte know,” said Basil, “I’ll go see.”

Basil walked to the door and opened it.  He was shoved backward by a masked figure, who barged into the room.

Rose scrambled up, grabbed a sward and prepared to ramet into the invader, but froze when the masked figure pulled a pistil.

Not wanting to Panicum, the masked figure shouted “Everyone keep culm!  Put down that blade and let’s talk.”

“What do you want?” asked Rose. 

“Eustoma sward and I want it back!” replied the figure. 

 Rose bristled with impatiens.  “Yeah?  Well, I want whorled peas, but that doesn’t mean I can burst into people’s houses and threaten to shoot them!”

“Just give me that sward and I’ll leaf you alone,” said the figure.

“Oh no you don’t,” said Rose.  “You get your awn sward.  This one was given to me by my Grama.”

From the door, Basil said, “Hay now.  Why don’t I Poa drink for each of us and we can talk about it.”

“Fine,” said the figure.  “I guess I’d like to ovoid violets, if possible.” 

As Basil gathered some glasses, the figure removed their mask.

“Oh, allopatric,” sighed Rose.  “I should have guessed it was you.”

“Sorry, Rose,” said Patric.  “I probably overreacted.  That sward really does look just like mine, though.”

“If you thought she was hiding stolon property,” said Basil, “you could have just Aster.”

“I know.  I’m sorry,” said Patric. 

Seeing Patric’s head drupe, Rose softened.  “Now, now,” she said, “everyone’s a Cinna sometimes.  But you’ve gotta be careful with your temper.”

“Yeah,” chimed in Basil.  “In decurrent climate, you don’t want to go around brandishing weapons.  Someone’s likely to overreact and do something regrettable.”

“Maybe we can help you, Patric.  When did first you notice your sward was missing?” asked Rose.

“Well, let’s see,” said Patric.  “I guess it was yesterday morning.  I went out to help a frond who had Diarrhena.  I picked up hirsute from the cleaners and dropped it at her house.  When I got back home, the sward was gone.”

“Do you have Anemone who might have taken it?” asked Rose.

“Gosh, not that I know of!” replied Patric.

“Maybe it’s time to call the copse,” suggested Basil.

“Yeah,” said Rose.  “They’ll take Carya.  My friend Ivy is a detective.  You could call her up and tiller what happened.”

“You’re right,” said Patric.  “I’ll do that right now.”

As Patric went into the next room to make the call, Rose grabbed Basil and whispered, “Quick, let’s not Dalea round here anymore.  We need be gone before he realizes that sward really is his.”

“What??” Basil exclaimed, “You mean that IS his stolon sward?”

“Yes! Now let’s get the evidence out of here so there’s nothing to imbricate us when the copse arrive,” urged Rose.

The two rushed out to Basil’s car and hopped in.  Basil gunned the engine and backed quickly out of the driveway.

Looking back at the house, Rose saw Patric staring out the window at them.  She turned to Basil and yelled…

“Floret!!”

About two weeks ago, I was feeling a little stir crazy and needed to get some fresh air. This winter hasn’t provided very well for my favorite winter photography opportunities. We’ve had almost no snow, no ice storms, and only intermittent periods that freeze streams and wetlands and provide ice bubbles and other patterns. I looked outside and the light was reasonably good, so I pushed away from my desk, grabbed my gear, and headed over to Lincoln Creek.

I was planning to walk the prairie in search of interesting seeds or anything else that caught my eye. As I walked past the creek itself, however, I noticed with some surprise that it appeared to be still frozen. I guess the high banks and trees kept it shaded enough that even with recent warm weather, it hadn’t yet thawed. I gingerly tested the ice depth and found it sufficient to hold my weight. The surface of the ice was littered with leaves and seeds (as well as some less attractive litter like cans, plastic bags, etc.). I started walking slowly with my eyes down, scanning for anything interesting.

The dappled light through the tree branches was both interesting and challenging. A few times, I found a leaf or seed I liked the look of, but it was in the shade instead of the light. Sometimes, I photographed it anyway, but more often, I marked the spot and returned a few minutes later when the sun’s movement had shifted the shadows away from my target.

After about 45 minutes or so, I crawled back up the eroded banks and headed back to the truck. As often happens, the photos I came away with weren’t anything like what I’d envisioned before arriving, but that wasn’t a bad thing. I guess it’s yet more evidence that it’s always worth getting out to explore. You never know what you’ll find – even on an eroded. litter-filled creek on the edge of town.