As someone who spends a lot of time encouraging people to visit prairies, I need to make a shameful confession. I haven’t been completely honest with you. This post is likely to get me in trouble with some of my fellow prairie enthusiasts because I’m about to reveal a secret that has been very tightly held within that community. I apologize to my colleagues, but if we’re going to lure people into prairies, I feel strongly that we should be honest about the true risks involved.
Those who are leery of wandering off the safety of paved paths tend to be worried about things like spiders or snakes hiding in the tall grass. Bah! Most prairies don’t have either spider or snake species that present any threat at all to humans. If you do visit a prairie where potentially dangerous spiders or snakes live, it’s good to be educated about them, but they aren’t just lurking around, waiting to attack hapless hikers. They have better things to do with their lives.
However, there are animals in the prairie that maliciously harass and/or assault humans. Species that seem to have a vendetta against us for some reason. None of them are life-threatening, I guess, but they’re certainly annoying and I believe we’ve been covering up their wickedness for too long.
It’s not fair to invite new people to explore prairies without talking about these species and how to repel their attacks. Some of you are shouting at your phone or computer right now, saying, “NO CHRIS – DON’T DO IT! Don’t tell them!! It’s already hard enough to get people to visit prairies!”
Well, I’m going to do it. I’m going to start by telling the truth about meadowlarks. If I’m subsequently allowed to keep this blog platform, I’ll try to share information on some of the other secretly dangerous species in future posts.
Meadowlarks are gorgeous birds with distinctive black Vs on their bold yellow breasts. Their melodic songs are emblematic of prairies and rural landscapes and six states have chosen them as their official state bird. They nest on the ground and can be found in many prairies year-round. Insects make up the majority of their diet in the summer and they feed on seeds and fruits during the dormant season.
Blah blah blah.
The real story about meadowlarks is that they are nasty little buggers that slink around in the grass and stab passing hikers in the ankle with their needle-sharp bills. Do meadowlarks cause serious injury? No, but not because they don’t want to. Does it hurt to be stabbed by a meadowlark when you’re enjoying an otherwise peaceful jaunt in a prairie. Yes, a little.
Fortunately for all of us, meadowlarks aren’t very strong. If they were, none of us would be safe. Often, a meadowlark doesn’t get enough momentum on its attack run to inflict significant pain. In fact, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stabbed by a meadowlark without knowing it!
However, don’t relax yet. The initial pain of a meadowlark strike isn’t the real issue, it’s the itchiness that follows. Scientists are yet to figure out why a stab from a meadowlark bill causes skin irritation, but I’ve come out of prairies with little red bumps on my ankles that itch for DAYS. My personal hypothesis is that meadowlark bills are coated with goo from the insects they feed on and that the goo reacts with human skin and makes it itch. I wouldn’t be surprised if meadowlarks select their prey based solely on which bugs make people itch the most!
Some of you are reading this and thinking, “this can’t be true!” I can feel your skepticism as I write these words. Fine, I’ll prove it to you. Answer this question – why are the backs of meadowlarks brown and streaky-colored and their breasts bright yellow? I’ll tell you why. It’s the perfect design for carrying out their spiteful assaults.
Here’s how it works. One meadowlark sits on a perch, displaying its showy yellow breast and singing a beautiful song. (Scientists think only the males sing but since males and females are identical in appearance, I see no reason to believe that.) When a nearby hiker stops to admire the singing meadowlark, its partner darts stealthily through the grass toward its unsuspecting victim with only its camouflaged back (barely) visible from above.
It’s diabolical! It’s also the only logical explanation for the way meadowlarks look. They have clearly honed their appearance through thousands of years of evolution for this single dastardly purpose.
The good news is that once you know about meadowlarks you can protect yourself. With a little advance planning, you can still enjoy a tranquil prairie walk despite these malevolent avian threats. One easy strategy is to never stop moving when you hear a meadowlark singing, especially if you’re standing in grass more than about six inches tall. Don’t give that meadowlark’s evil partner any cover through which it can sneak up on you! If you’re in tall grass and hear a meadowlark singing, just keep walking.
In terms of protective gear, the best option, of course, is chainmail socks, but they can be frustratingly hard to find, even in big outdoor recreation stores. I suspect, however, that as the truth about meadowlarks spreads, the chainmail sock retail market is going to explode. (If you’re looking for somewhere to invest your money, I’m not saying, I’m just saying, you know?)
If you can’t find chainmail socks, any other kind of physical barrier you can wrap around your ankles is worth trying. On days when I’ve misplaced or forgotten my own chainmail, I’ve rubber banded layers of leather gloves or thick cardboard to my lower legs. I’ve also experimented with various styles of camouflaged pants and socks, hoping meadowlarks won’t be able to find their intended target. So far, they seem too smart for that.
I’m holding out hope that an effective meadowlark repellant will eventually be developed. I’ve heard rumors that a small group of volunteers at The Nature Conservancy’s Nachusa Grasslands in Illinois have concocted a liquid spray that works pretty well. So far, however, I’ve not been able to find anyone who will share the recipe with me.
Well, that’s the truth about meadowlarks. If this is new information to you, I hope the revelation doesn’t diminish your enthusiasm for prairie exploration. Don’t let the meadowlarks win! There are lots of great reasons to wander around a prairie – it’d be a real shame to miss out just because some streaky-backed little bird is out there trying to stab you in the ankle.
Besides, everything we do comes with some risk. We don’t let a few garden gnomes keep us from picking tomatoes or stay away from grocery stores just because a shelf of canned goods could fall on us at any time… Many people even use those crazy revolving doors to enter or exit buildings, though I haven’t personally worked up the courage for that just yet.
The Prairie Ecologist 
Ha ha.
Living here in Southern half of Illinois, I can’t say Meadowlarks concern me, lol. Here it’s more of an issue with Chiggars & Ticks, however, they can be found most anywhere with taller vegetation not just prairies in our area. Love your articles and Happy Thanksgiving!
Yes, Chiggers and Ticks. I never had so many after visiting a prairie in the middle of IL. It was still worth it though. Only a true crazy prairie lover will say this.
This might actually get some traction these days, Chris . . . it sure could in my neighborhood!
Well, I hope most people will get the joke.
Ha, good one! Happy Thanksgiving!
Kim, I’m not sure you’re treating this with the seriousness it deserves… : )
As I read the post I could almost hear the theme to “Jaws” in the background. The tension builds as I wonder what on earth this villain could be… and then it’s just a little bird? Monty Python (The Holy Grail) would say, “It’s just a little bunny…” We all know how that worked out! Obviously I do not know prairies. But in spite of this revelation I would absolutely love to visit one and I very much appreciate your heads-up. You are funny and truthful.
What about gaiters or tall hiking boots?
Thanks for the suggestion, Bonnie. Tall boots might work, though if everyone starts wearing those, I worry the meadowlarks might adjust and start aiming higher… They CAN FLY after all! Scary…
: )
Don’t forget the long lasting, deep psychological damage their endlessly repetitive loud calls can have. Working long hours at Arapahoe Prairie in Arthur county for months on end caused a, mostly, rational deep dislike of the species.
Hey Mark,
Oof. It’s even worse when you know WHY they’re calling…
The first time a meadowlark stabbed me in the ankle came as such a rude awakening. Thanks for doing the hard work and putting this information out there, Chris. Be safe.
Eastern, Western, or both? The ones on our lawn in Carson City, Nevada, didn’t seem interested in people at all.
Cheryl, The ones here are mostly westerns, which have the most alluring song (in my opinion). On the other hand, maybe they just WANT US TO THINK they’re westerns. Since they look identical to easterns, I don’t trust anything about them… : )
Thanks for the info and the chuckle!
Barb Purcell Libertyville, IL
On Mon, Nov 22, 2021, 11:54 AM The Prairie Ecologist wrote:
> Chris Helzer posted: ” As someone who spends a lot of time encouraging > people to visit prairies, I need to make a shameful confession. I haven’t > been completely honest with you. This post is likely to get me in trouble > with some of my fellow prairie enthusiasts because I’m a” >
High over the ankle boots and ankle to knee gators work, keeps tics at bay too.
I’m not sure about meadowlarks… I guess I’ve kept my distance mostly. But I was once attacked from above by a red-winged blackbird. Claws in my scalp and I thought he was going to take a big clump of hair with him. I was just innocently walking past a tall hedge as I recall.
Chris, this does sound a little like the ‘Jackalope’ reports we would tell visitors in the south central arizona Sonoran deserts. That really got the attention from the New Yorkers, and of course was a lot of fun telling the stories!
Nice try Chris. mark
On Mon, Nov 22, 2021 at 11:53 AM The Prairie Ecologist wrote:
> Chris Helzer posted: ” As someone who spends a lot of time encouraging > people to visit prairies, I need to make a shameful confession. I haven’t > been completely honest with you. This post is likely to get me in trouble > with some of my fellow prairie enthusiasts because I’m a” >
Didn’t know this . . . Will still go out to the prairies though . . .
I’ve lived on the Alberta Prairie most of my life. I’ve heard meadowlarks many times – but never been attacked when walking through the grasslands. Perhaps Meadowlarks become ‘polite Canadians’ when they cross the border from the US…
Thank you for the smile!
Walked through prairies as a kid with dogs or on horseback, when there were still Meadowlarks in Dallas, eons ago. Observed their very cool nests, broken wing antics to lead us away, but was never stalked by one. Interesting.
Guess the city dwellers were different.
Now we want them back.
WOW!! SHUDDER!! Now I have to begin worrying about April fools day. Not to mention a first visit of my 25 acre prairie development, in June, by a local bird club! Do I just stock up on band aids?
Harold
I think perhaps there are some fingers crossed behind your back! I do agree with protecting your ankles in prairies though. 🙂
Hilarious! But this is probably explains why the plains indians used their feathers to construct such beautiful baskets.
There may be secrets underlying Meadowlark Lemon’s name that no one ever suspected. If Muhammad Ali’s style was to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, who’s to say who really trained that great basketball player? After all, he was born in the Eastern Meadowlark’s territory…
Ha, ha!!! Love it – Happy Thanksgiving!
Any reports on the rumour that singing “Meadowlark” off-key will deter these meadowlark attacks? *laugh* Too funny!
I keep searching for the relationship between this post and April 1…
Is this exactly 6 months away? Are you warming up?
Is this a new species of giant chigger?
while snakes and spiders, and the fearsome Land Crab may not be present on the prairies, wading through heavy grass is tiring.
And while people may not be afraid of slitheries and creepie crawlies, they may be daunted by trackless and “featureless” prairie.
There’s something to be said for mowing paths. This also has the advantage of flattening the ankle spraining mounds of pocket gophers, ground squirrels, and prairie dogs. I mowed a 4 mile serpentine path on 16 acres of my pasture for several years. It would take about an hour with my tractor and 6′ bush mower.
And it would give you a chance at spotting the nefarious meadowlarks.
Stick to the road, beware the meadows …. And Meadowlarks!! I think you have a good plot for a horror movie here ;)
I’m not convinced Chris’s post is entirely a joke. I did a little googling, and found a true report of aggressive meadowlark behavior: https://www.featheredphotography.com/blog/2015/11/24/male-american-kestrel-and-a-meadowlark-with-a-death-wish/
Congratulations Chris! You solved the question of bumpy prairie ankles with determined sleuthing and super tuned observation skiils that revealed the dastardly duo. Such a partnership of paired Meadowlarks developed just for tasty morsels of humanity! Who knew?!? Ankles have so little flesh and are so low in blood flow it is hard to imagine how meadowlarks continue to spend time for sufficient practice to achieve successful coordinated attacks. Especially, with such a paucity of human ankles on buggy prairie lands. You certainly deserve a commendation for this discovery. More is the pity that your being a scientist means you are prevented from giving advice of what to do proactively when an attack could be imminent. Off the record, which do you think would be best: a dog whistle,, bear bells, air horn or shaking a dried rattlesnake rattle? All this thinking makes me more scared to go onto a prairie even though it is the richest ecosystem in species diversity on the continent…I think.